Virtual “ideality”, or falling in love at a distance
You live in one city and your man in another one. You communicate a hundred times a day, but you see each other up to ten times a year. Or you don’t meet at all. You think about each other and you even have plans for the future.
What is a long-distance relationship? Is it an illusion? Or is it a substitution for reality? Or just a nice equivalent to the daily routine?
Do a long-distance relationship have a future?
Virtual “ideality”, or falling in love at a distance.
Nowadays, more and more people meet using social networks and appropriate sites.
People prefer to seem and not be. It’s much easier to play a virtual role of a person you can not really be because of the lack of courage. We put on a mask and here is an “ideal” character.
But in these virtual relationships it is especially the romantic aspect that counts. The brain adds the desired details and is fascinated by the invented partner.
In addition the Photoshop and the angles of taking photos help girls to create a fantastic image. And for men it’s a photo near a new classy car in automobile sales center.
So at the beginning of relationships we have a “woman of dreams” or a “prince charming”. And as a result we are fascinated with a dream.
If there is no collapse of the ideal during the first real meeting, when we notice the difference between reality and the virtual image, then a long-distance relationship between a man and a woman begin.
A priori this relationship has more chance for a long and lively evolution. Because we fall in love with a “hero / heroine” and an invented image.
Rare meetings, warmed by feelings, always have a lot of emotions and passion.
Is a long-distance relationship Verification Possible?
It should be noted that love is a hormonal process with a certain validity period of three to 36 months. Hence the expression “Love lasts three years”. But it’s love at first sight, not love.
Love at first sight is distinguished from the mature feeling of love by a hormonal imbalance. That’s why we are so “excited”.
It is a kind of psychological insufficiency: mood swings, disruption of sleep and appetite, decreasing interest in all areas of life except the object of love.
To grow Love from a “hormonal imbalance” the couple must pass the durability test. These are revelations after the end of the candy-bouquets period, in everyday situations, crises, “luck and bad luck”.
Long-distance relationships do not have this opportunity. More exactly this test by the daily routine is rejected, if the man and the woman are destined to live together.
Or the remote partners keep the illusion of the ideality of the partner, because the circumstances that could remove the pink glasses, do not exist.
Colorful pictures of a long-distance relationship.
• Infinite cooing by phone.
• Desire to imagine the partner’s life at a distance through his perception of reality.
• Romantic sms and exciting photos.
• Permanent expectation that, when the partners meet, turns into a wave of emotions.
• No claims about lost illusions. The candy period ends much faster with frequent contact.
• No accumulated tiredness in the evening and no negative energy caused by the daily routine.
• No daily routine that kills butterflies of love.
• Even roaches of envy are not so big and aggressive. Of course without any control it is easy to be unfaithful. But when there is no reason for jealousy, reassured cockroaches fall asleep. Say, “my love, I only think of you”.
Psychologists opinion on a long-distance relationship
You can say “I want it to last”.
Why then do psychologists say that a long-distance relationship is an illusion?
No doubt, the romantic feeling lasts a long time because of the absence of routine and conflicts, natural for the first stage.
But with time this relationship begins to irritate because it’s unrealized. The time it takes depends on the couple and the frequency of real meetings.
What is missing when man is at a distance?
Everything is missing a lot.
• Sex – catastrophically.
• Tenderness, kisses and hugs.
• Sleeping together and staying in bed until noon on weekends.
• Watching TV shows together, sitting on the couch at night.
• Breakfasts and dinners
It is this so-called routine that is missing. In fact it’s really difficult always to carry heavy bags.
Or eat dishes warmed up in the microwave.
And besides this embarrassing solitude during the outings: “No, excuse me, I’m not free. Why am I alone?
The weekend alone does not make happy because everyone has “family weekend”.
No, we are not bored. We simply do not feel protected when searching in our memory among our acquaintances a normal man who could come and change a broken tire.
Or when in the evening you want to hide your face under his arm and simply be silent. A multitude of these “when”
The lost happiness of being together.
The most difficult in a long-distance relationship is continuing to remain a part of the life of the other partner.
A fun story in the office, an incident at the parking lot, a little adventure in the supermarket – all that does not matter and will be forgotten a week later.
But, when we share these trifles with a close person, we have a feeling of kinship and participation in the life of the other.
Do we need deficient relationships?
We are already tired of these phone conversations for nothing. We have a sore neck and we have tinnitus.
We have fewer and fewer common subjects. We do not have daily events that we can share naturally in our kitchen and not by phone.
Over time, a long-distance relationship become text-to-speech. They become deficient especially if before the separation the couple communicated regularly.
How to maintain relationships with your boyfriend remotely?
Today we have many alternatives to live communication: phone, sms, video calls, social networks. But do they perform their functions well?
The feeling that evolves requires a moral contact but especially a PHYSICAL contact.
Despite all the woman’s efforts to maintain a long-distance relationship with a man, this relationship will not have the full range of emotions.
In this relationship it is easy to imagine something. We do not see the reactions of the partner or we take the fatigue for an unwillingness to communicate.
And the bottom line is that a long-distance relationship deprive this clump when lack of understanding and tension can be removed by kissing and hugging.
We have fewer points of contact. And we are more unrealized.
How to maintain a long-distance relationship without money.
Money is a big obstacle for lovers who live far from each other.
Because neither you nor your partner, you are not the lucky ones for whom to make a surprise by organizing a breakfast with Hudson or the Eiffel Tower view is not a problem.
It is only in proverbs that “Money does not represent an obstacle to love”. In a long-distance relationship money is a help. Or it is a source of tension and irritation.
Imagine, that for months you put money aside to have 2 or 3 days of happiness. And in fact you can have it in your city without any problem.
This disbalance caused by permanent attempts to find time for meetings, disrupts the rhythm of the usual life, accumulates the fatigue of journeys and thefts.
One can add the integration of meetings during the distance relations in the professional tasks, from which come defects and deadlines not respected.
Distance love is not an obstacle to adultery.
And here is the first adultery. The love flower disappears. Although a little later than during daily contacts.
If we live together or see each other often, we chase away those thoughts, because we are often together and we are afraid of being revealed. In addition we do not need it, sex is always possible.
In a long-distance relationship we do not have this lifeline.
Real kisses or should we still wait?
If we try to analyze, it’s not adultery. We have a “virtual” relationship. And no one will ever know.
Meanwhile outings, walks, casual lunches make you happy.
And here are real phrases “come, I miss you”, instead of “we must wait a little, it is not for long”.
No doubt, dinners together and kisses to wish “good night” are much more enjoyable. As well as spontaneous sex in the morning, and pancakes on Sunday, and mutual projects for the days and not for the weeks or months. It’s very romantic 🙂
Psychology of a long-distance relationship: Threatened by Jealousy
Let us suppose we can do without adultery caused by jealousy. We are really in love and blinkers of the kind of “it’s my destiny” do not let us see other potential partners.
“Everything goes by and this too shell pass”.
Listen, the irritation caused by the not realized amorous potential accumulates, annoys and fills. Finally, it takes the form of conflicts for invented reasons.
Thus is born jealousy multiplied by the absence of control.
The lack of trust unfounded scratches on the nerves: “Where are you, with whom, why do not you answer?”.
Many relationships end because of the lack of trust. From this point of view, a long-distance relationship represents a minefield.
We have no chance to check if your love deceives you.
And in addition your partner likes to flirt? Then the fear of betrayal and adultery can cause the collapse of a long-distance relationship. It is difficult even to bear the weight of suspicion.
And if in the anamnesis we have a traumatic experience of betrayal, a long-distance relationship completely confuse.
No advice on the possibilities of keeping love in a long-distance relationship, will have no effect.
Sport and masturbation do not replace sex
We must not forget the sexual dissatisfaction. Masturbation and sport can not replace sex.
In addition to the time the joy of rare dates ceases to be so pervasive. At the same time the separations become less sad and heartbreaking. The routine.
A long-distance relationship is possible as a convenient format.
Frankly speaking, there is a risk when a man stays alone on weekends, and you leave your man alone for months. Do you think your darling stays at home and is waiting for you? Do you really think it?
Listen, I can have dozens of long-distance relationships and it is very convenient. Great ! Did you notice that men like this format very much?
Men do not write me letters asking questions about the problems of a long-distance relationship, but girls do it all the time. Do you understand what I mean?
Love at a distance motivates
If I really want to see my girlfriend who is far from me, I’ll do my best and come to see her. And no circumstances can stop me! Or I’ll find a way she can come to me.
You can say, that he works, that he has conferences and competitions. Everything does not matter if we really need this girl.